It’s near pitch black in here, save for the light of the screen. I turned off the office lights and lit a candle in hopes the scent would blow away this headache. I brought my hot coffee down to help out.

I can glance over my shoulder, through the miniblinds I haven’t closed yet in the enormous window behind me, and see venus hovering over the last of the shadows of the mountains. I’m caked from head to toe with dried mud from going out and wrestling the dog’s rope (and the dog) from being tangled in the orchard trees. As soon as the dishwasher stops upstairs I need a good long hot shower. The kids are in their rooms, drawing pictures of each other. There’s supposed to be some aurora activity tonight, but they wont be coming this far south. All of you there up north: on the off chance its a clear night, keep an eye out, even if only for my benefit, and tell me if you’re lucky enough to see anything.

All the neighborhood dogs are barking back and forth across the canyon.. coyote must be back again. I sit and listen for the one bark that’s a little more high-pitched, got a little more ‘yipe’ to it. And I know its him, taunting them right back.

I’d stand out on the deck awhile. But it’s too cold and I have a hole in my socks.

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Standing out on my balcony in the freezing cold for a minute, drinking some ice water for my sore throat, it hit me I can see two cities and two mountain ranges from here. On a clear day, I can look across and down on the Sparks hills like they were just a few feet away. At night, if I reach my imagination out and stare really hard, I think I can just barely make out the flashing sign at the truck stop where Greg meets Vista, clear across the valley.

Every now and then I’ll lean over the railing and wonder if there’s anybody out there glancing back up in my general direction.

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“There is more in us than we know. If we can be made to see it, perhaps,
for the rest of our lives, we will be unwilling to settle for less.”

-Kurt Hahn (founder of Outward Bound)

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Midway through a conversation with a long-lost friend, happening in two different halves of the world.

justin: dancing the night away to some am radio station playing old music
me: yes
justin: yeah
me: see, thats gritty.. I like that
me: occasional static crackling, low lights..
justin: you need some of that in your music from time to time
me: indeed
justin: its atmospheric.
me: like old dusty roadside diner/cafe music
justin: right!
me: youre the man having his coffee alone, reading the paper while the music plays late at night, nobody else around but the tired young waitress.. whom you decide you ought to dance with right there in the middle.
justin: and driving at night with the radio on…
me: driving at night with the radio on, justin, especially on a long road trip, is one of my top 5 favorite things on the face of the earth
justin: i was that guy.
me: you were that guy
justin: you wouldn’t believe
me: i think i would
justin: sometimes i just take a drive for no good reason at night
justin: i like the way the roads are empty
justin: just going along slow, wondering what everyone else is doing on the road.. where they’re going..
me: or out on the porch, sheltered from sun, with dusty clothes from horseback riding and the mountains rising up behind.. and no one around but the boy and the girl and the dog running through the yard and the music on the old tired radio perched on the railing.
justin: i think that’s a whole few hours dreaming just there on that porch
me: just laying back on that hammock, half shaded and cool, half baking in the sun.. you can barely hear the music. Nowhere to be, nothing to be done.
me: this is my life justin, i just havent made it there just yet.
justin: maybe a book on the side, a magazine, something you want to read but never quite get around to.. and a drink on the table.
me: that’s it
justin: you’ve got everything, you’ve made it with just half of that tonya
me: the things i want are so far removed from money and business ’success’.. right now, the business and moving it forward are merely a means to that end.
me: I want lemonade and sunshine on mid afternoon tuesdays and floating down the mountain rivers on my raft some thursday sunset, kicking rocks along the tahoe rim trail when I was supposed to be somewhere else driving long long distances in the jeep into the remote desert countryside just because someone back there has the best vegetables, taking photographs of that life we have no idea about
justin: .. i think sometimes that there might be a way to have those things you talked about, and i get this close to finding the answer when i get another slice of work to do.
justin: but its out there.. right?
me: it is
justin: and whats stopping a person?
me: nothing but themselves, usually
justin: exactly

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