Sitting in the sun by the sliding glass doors and listening to Keiko Matsui, browsing Crate and Barrel in my bare feet, picking at some sweet Hawaiian bread. Can’t be more than 78 degrees out. Trying to decide if we’ll go to the Kid’s ArtFest this afternoon, or stay here and strip this house of everything I’ve accumulated and never touch or value. When I leave I’m taking very little with me.

Still pretty amazed that I’ve allowed myself nine months to plan and prepare. A few years ago I’d have been gone within days of having decided to go… but this time I’m in no hurry. Leaving Reno will sting, and as anxious as I am to get to New Mexico and submerge myself in that place - I think I’m stretching it out to delay that feeling.

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I can’t tell if Smokey’s exhibiting any of the same symptoms Sunny was afflicted with before he died, I’m too sensitive to it now. Everything looks suspicious to me. But if he is, they’re extremely mild and subsiding.. now he’s just got a bad case of the lonelies. He’s sleeping a lot, not eating much and generally not himself.. I’m sure because he’s missing his brother, his environment has changed.. but the lack of appetite bothers me. We’re keeping an eye on it.

Since Saturday, he’s been extra sensitive to being alone. When one of us is in the room, he’s quiet.. calm. When we walk away, he squawks and cries and carries on. If he’s out of the pen, he chases right behind.. to stay within eyesight at all times. It’s endearing, especially when you give in and sit down on the floor and he runs over and jumps in your lap, tucks himself into your arm or your clothes and drifts off to sleep.. but it’s also disheartening to see him so out-of-whack.

It’s tempting to get him another gosling to play with, or to re-release him right away.. but no. We’ll wait awhile until he’s stronger and more independent and then slowly reintroduce him to a more natural environment, until he’s comfortable enough with it to be set free.

You’d think raising a goose would be less emotional, less intimate than a dog, cat or other ‘traditional’ pets. And that losing one so suddenly and violently would somehow be less devastating. But it isn’t. Don’t let anybody tell you different.

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Thinking about going away for the weekend. Getting some of these things off my mind. Next week is busy again, overlapping into the weekend. Soon summer is done and I’ll have little to show for it. How did this happen? When did I get in the habit of riding alongside life instead of in the guts of it?

I need a map, a full tank of gas, a camera and some time alone. And the map is questionable.

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One o’clock.

Shut down the PC and the printer. Twirled the blinds closed. Checked around for any unreturned messages. Fumbled through my briefcase for the keys. Flipped the lights off and locked the door on my way out. Walked out through the courtyard and into the parking lot. Bright white fair weather clouds floating by fast, a nice wind blowing and twisting the yellow flyer in my hand while I unlocked the door. Got in, set the cell on the dash, stuffed a few receipts in my pocket.. buckled up.. fired up. Drove away.

No traffic. Trees bending alongside the road. Sun bouncing off the glass of the ATV shop windows on South Virginia. Pulled in hard, kicked around some leaves as I got out. Yanked the strap of the briefcase off the emergency brake before I shut the door. Shoes clicking against the pavement on the way to the gate. Unlocked the door, pushed it open.. left it there. Pushed the button on the dryer for another 10 minutes. The first of probably three times I’ll do that before I actually go over there and fold it.

Threw the keys and sunglasses in the basket on the wall. Poured a glass of ice water. Watched the ducks across the room, sunbathing in the light coming through the sliding glass doors. Noticing the leaves on the patio. Remembering the leaves in the driveway. Wondered for a minute why it was coming so fast this year. Slid my shoes off and closed the closet door with my foot on the way by.

Cool. No more than 75? Made some coffee, changed my clothes. Flipped the office light on, thumbed through the mail.. but got distracted by the newspaper. Balloon festival was grounded for the wind. Checked the forecast for tomorrow. Remembered to set the alarm for 5am before I forgot again. Made a mental note to charge the batteries and pack up the camera. Need to grab a better spot this year.

Sat down and started an email to my Dad. Stopped. Started an email to Shane instead. Stopped. Stretched. Pulled out a CD and finished the coffee. Put some socks on, walked over and fed the ducks. Caught the clock out of the corner of my eye, smiled at the time. Not used to having this much of it. Opened the window a little more, slid down in the chair. Surrendered to an idea. Long December stuck in my head. Mixed my feelings together and put them away. Started this entry.

Two o’clock.

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