August 27, 2008

Twittered on 8-27-08

@jabamba Ooooh! Yummy. #
Blog: “How not to rent a house” http://tinyurl.com/58a896 #
Doing more deflecting and less absorbing; adjustments are obviously necessary to my circles of influence. #

Posted by tee in fun stuff
Leave a Comment | Permalink | Add this to …

August 26, 2008

Twittered on 8-26-08

Had to make a decision before we lost the opportunity, so 2nd choice it is. 4 beds, 2 baths, deck in the Old Northwest near the University. #
@abqtrucker Thanks! #
Blog: “At long last” http://tinyurl.com/5k6lus #
http://twitpic.com/94cy - Sarah avoiding the ‘razzi at lunch #
Mmmm….crazy good gelato. #

Posted by tee in fun stuff
Leave a Comment | Permalink | Add this to …

August 26, 2008

How not to rent a house

1. Wander aimlessly around the country for, oh, about 15 years, never staying in one house for more than a year or one city for more than three. Potential property managers love it when they have to spend several hours on the phone just to verify your last 5-10 years of rental history. Makes their day go by faster.

2. Ditch the 9-t0-5 scene for a non-traditional, independent career so you can put “self” down in the Current Supervisor field and “just not before 10″ in the Ok to Call? field. Even more effective when this unusual situation is, totally coincidentally, true for not just one but both of you. If they do call, talk about yourself in the third person and offer to draft and fax over a signed letter of recommendation. They love it when you look good on paper.

3. Keep all your stuff in storage far away — preferably way, way far away, say, two states over in Colorado — so that you can say repeatedly that all of that paper the agent is asking for is “currently unavailable”, including bank statements, tax records, previous leases and pet registrations. Best if this conversation is timed right after they call your supervisor and twice as much fun if the agent has not only lived in that one city all her life, but has lived in the same neighborhood all her life, making her so completely able to relate to and understand how this would be a perfectly normal situation to find oneself in.

4. Homeschool your kids, so that when your agent is gushing on and on about how the house you’re touring is in The Best School District you can be completely dismissive and unimpressed, just as your 13-year-old asks from across the room if that’s a “real wood-burning fireplace or a cast-iron, wood stove insert that radiates more heat and thereby saves on energy costs.”

5. Put down on your application that yes, you do in fact have not one, not two, not even three but four pets, and make sure to stress that there are both cats and dogs in that mix so that dog lovers and cat lovers alike can be conflicted about renting to you. When the application asks you to list each breed, don’t forget to write “coyote mix” on the appropriate line. Bonus: if the agent looks up with a cocked eyebrow, say you know this because the 50-lb dog howls incessantly, likes to jump up onto kitchen counters and can easily scale a six-foot fence if he gets a good running start. Don’t be facetious, though, and say he likes to eat cats and small dogs. They don’t like that joke.

6. Get married and then divorced (but NOT to the partner you’re applying for the house with, make sure you’ve both got different last names) and then use your nickname and maiden name in some situations, your given and married name in others (or any other combination), so that when checking your myriad references your agent is guaranteed to get at least two or three people who say they have never heard of you before in their lives.

7. Finally, mention to the agent that you’re interested in possibly buying the nearly half-a-million dollar property after the year lease is up and you’ve settled in, and do it right after you answer the please list the number and type of vehicles you will have at this residence question with: “One 1996 Toyota Tacoma.”

Posted by tee in de la vida
11 Comments | Permalink | Add this to …

August 25, 2008

Twittered on 8-25-08

Visitors at adventurejournalist.com often refresh repeatedly to check out all the (100+) rotating images. The latest? 118 times in 30 min. #
And understandably now that I’ve gone back and refreshed a bunch now, too. What a story they tell all by themselves. #
Grinding my teeth. Approved for 2nd choice house, still waiting for the people dragging their feet on 1st choice. (Toni, misd your msg, sry) #
Retweet @spiver “Zen Judaism” http://tinyurl.com/5rwlk5 #

Posted by tee in fun stuff
1 Comment | Permalink | Add this to …

August 25, 2008

At long last

Posted by tee in de la vida
5 Comments | Permalink | Add this to …

August 24, 2008

Twittered on 8-24-08

“You should join Muy Thai with me, mom. Don’t you wanna be one of those super built, boobless chicks? You have the face for it.” - Ryan #
@manunkind While you’re fasting, we’ll be at Pirate’s Pizza. #
http://twitpic.com/8vzx - #
@manunkind Oh that’s right - congrats! #
Blog: “Downtown Reno and Rancho San Rafael Park” (photos) http://tinyurl.com/5b6lpa #